humor: September 2009

25 September 2009

Deep Thaughts

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

20 September 2009

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too.Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem.

My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon.

Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong."You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said. "Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

urgent Job vaccancy

Womens night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

100 Nuns

The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session.

Mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face.

She began to speak.....Mother Superior: "A sinful deed was committed here, yesterday.

"99 nuns: "Oh, no!"

1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "Today I found a pair of men`s underwear."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"

1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And I also found a condom."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"

1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And it has been used."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"

1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And there is a hole in it!"

1 nun: "Oh no!"

99 nuns: "Hee, Hee, Hee!!!"

Fonding in the Bed

Sexy

19 September 2009

School time girls watch

Peta

I am not eating chicke

A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed.

"Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches."

"Why?" he asked.

"'Cause I'm starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing
to the bottom of her tummy.

"I don't believe you," he said. "You'll have to show me."

Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place.

"You're right," he said. "I've been eating a lot of chicken also.
Perhaps I'm getting feathers too."

"Well, I'd better have a look," she said. After a lengthy examination,
she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it's too late for you.

You've got the neck and giblets too."

who enjoys more

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument
about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.

"Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it

and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?

another woman

David finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their
engagement so he could marry another woman.

"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked between sobs.

"Not on her best day," he replied.

"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"

"No, she's broke."

"Well, then, is it sex?"

"Nobody does it like you, babe."

"Then what can she do that I can't?"

"Sue me for child support."

Longer legs

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his knee.
Three doctors and one nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and
decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it.
" They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it." They discussed
it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks.
The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"